When I found out the boy I was dating had a secret snake, there were no more dates.
To be fair, the snake wasn’t the only reason there were no more dates. For the purposes of this story, and because my dad is the editor, let’s just say it was the final straw, and all of this is “alleged.”
So, when I opened the New York Times and saw the headline “Men, Hide Your Cats,” I immediately thought, finally, someone understands that pets absolutely affect dating.
In the essay, writer Michael Zadoorian discusses a 2020 study claiming women viewed men holding cats in dating profiles as less masculine and less datable. According to said study, men without cats in their profile photos performed significantly better than the exact same men holding cats.
The author is defensive of his cat-loving ways, but to be honest, I don’t think the issue is really the cats (though I’ll admit my bias: I don’t love cats).
The more revealing part of the essay is when he explains why he doesn’t want a dog.
He complains about the “socializing involved.” Conversations at dog parks, strangers stopping to talk on walks, small talk between pet owners. He describes himself as someone who would much rather stay home on the couch with a book and avoid interacting with other humans.
Which is fine! Plenty of people are introverts, and plenty of people would choose a quiet night at home over forced social interaction.
But it also may explain why a cat in the dating profile doesn’t succeed.
The author ignores, or is perhaps intentionally ignorant of, the fact that in order to date, you actually need to socialize and ideally be decent at it. Perhaps the issue isn’t the cat itself, but what the cat comes to represent in this essay: staying home, avoiding interaction, and expecting romance to arrive directly to your couch cushion. “Come over and hang out at my place” is not exactly a thrilling first date pitch, especially to those who would prefer not to end up as the subject of a true crime podcast. Not only does it feel unsafe, but it also signals a lack of effort. You don’t get to do me if you’re not willing to do literally anything outside of your apartment (sorry dad).
Dogs, and dog people, tend to signal openness, activity, community. Even people without dogs know exactly what happens when someone walks by with a cute puppy: conversation starts instantly. Dogs drag people outside, into parks, onto sidewalks, and into conversations they probably weren’t planning on having. And honestly, that’s one of the best things about pets.
I grew up hearing all sorts of stories about dogs, and with 3 siblings and almost always 3 dogs, creating plenty of dog stories on my own. People love talking about their pets. They swap stories, compare personalities, celebrate milestones, and bond over the shared chaos that can be living with animals.
Pets create connection in a way very few things do.
Whether you’re a cat person, a dog person, or someone secretly housing a snake, your pet probably does say something about you. But maybe the real green or red flag isn’t the species itself. Maybe it’s whether your life has room for connection, responsibility, and other living beings in it.
Or maybe the real lesson is simpler: dogs make it easier to meet people, cats make it easier to avoid them, and snakes should probably be disclosed before date three.
Thanks for reading.
Pet Camp has been providing award winning pet care to San Francisco’s dogs and cats since 1997. While we can’t provide dating advice, we can provide overnight care for dogs and cats, dog day care, dog training (some cat training too), pet transportation and grooming/bathing services. If you are a San Francisco pet parent with questions about your dog or cat – give us a call. If you are a pet parent in need of dating advice, give us a call too and will get Johanna to call you back.